Last night, a sunday night, one of the drug dealer next door's friends woke me up revving his engine at 3am. It sounded like he was parked up at the foot of my bed. The car drove off, I got up and looked out my window into the gloom to survey matters on my street; I vaguely saw the drug dealing neighbour come out of his gate and skulk off into the night. Urgh. I lay back on my matress and couldn't fall asleep. A wide-awake-night-anxiety gripped me but it had nothing to do with my drug dealing neighbour nor his lower back tattoo of a gun poking down his trousers - it was about the future! What the fuck am I doing here? Why do I stay at this shitty job getting bullied by teenagers? Why do I wake up at 6am to cycle across town to get a lift to a job 40 miles away for minimum wage? Am I a fucking moron?! I lay there squirming, resolving to change my life as soon as I'd had a good night's sleep. After finishing my book I gradually fell asleep, only to hear my housemate getting up for work.
I woke up at 11 and started the sluggish motions towards a better lifestyle, no more minesweeping drinks for me! My bedroom window is right opposite the drug dealer's front door and gate. Today I watched a hoarde of people stop at his house, go in for 30 seconds and then leave. Meanwhile I wrote futile emails to further education colleges and tried to renew my decrepid CV featuring ludicrous jobs such as "fish monger" and "beer delivery driver". Whilst writing this I've watched him take four fucking big black bin bags out to someone's car. I can barely afford to pay my rent each month and pay a wham of tax on a crappy job. Tell me, who's the sucker?
|My bail notice from 2008, when I was arrested for a rather laughable knife crime|